In a Whirlwind of Emotions.

So I've learned to sit with myself. Being away from home,I sat by myself before, a lot, sure yeah but now I have LEARNED to sit with myself....thanks to these past few weeks( read years). I wake up in the middle of a night and I feel sick...I know I'm spinning..my head is..that's my sinus talking. First thought that hits me every morning when  I wake up is of getting up without hurting myself due to the 'chakkars' that may or may not pay a visit. 

I think I've cried a lot...still there's a monstrous pain hiding somewhere deep within..that refuses to come out.I hate sharing my thoughts, emotions or anything like with anyone..actually I'd love to share but I hate explaining...explaining thyself is tough especially when you aren't yourself very sure of what's bugging you. And when I do..I'm at my worst..I'm ugly..not many have seen this ugly that sleeps somewhere within this otherwise a happy girl next door. And probably most of the time..the person closest to my heart suffers a LOT due to this outburst of emotions that comes out in a rather pathetic way. 

I have been a part of a hell lot of negativity too for past few years...but then there were some amazingly true and kind people in my life too...and I love them with the bottom of my heart ..and I loved a few who never deserved an iota of me ! Well, have finally dusted away them all and I'm blissfully left with all those who bring nothing but happiness and peace in life. But there's a pain..a monster..that pulls me back in time..or this abyss that is full of nothing but darkness. It's just sad. I want to get out of it and never come back but it overpowers me to a limit that makes me drive my head against the wall.
Nonchalantly, it gets me closer to the ultimate sin of envy..jealousy..discontentment..of all the stupid things I can think of. I need to find a way to stop it from growing on me...I must and I will.

I overthink. I think this is the monster. I'm overthinking the shit out of life. Yes. I'm trying to get a grip but very honestly speaking, I fail everytime..but I'm not giving up..not yet.I think this and a kind heart is what makes me a beautiful person ..yes. I know I will get over it too. Why? Because I'll always have you dear blog to listen and understand me wayyy better than people...well I want to share stuff here...this is my escape and I'm glad I'm here.*smiles* 

I think even a hundred pages would fall short of bringing out the tornado that's been taking place inside of me but nobody will and should help me get out of this weirdly dissatisfying situation. I hope I feel better as soon as I finish this post and go back to bed tonight. It's 2 A.M already. 

Amidst all this unending mess of emotions and apprehensions there's one thing I happily want to share...it's my new found love for painting..I've only started days back and I need to learn a lot...but I find it extremely fulfilling. Hopefully I'll start taking guitar lessons soon..that's been on my list forever.

I hope my next post would be much more joyous and gleeful. I feel better atleast for now. Thank you dear blog you did it again. Today is a new day. Today is THE new day. So I'll let the sun shine and dance in my favourite shoes and smile because that makes me & the world beautiful. Speaking of being happy here's a happy song that made past few days a little better for me..Enjoy if you're having a hard day too.

P.S- *Words*- You're my best friend. :)

The Happy Song

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Stay Strong 

Dear Blog..:)